So I just finished my last pack of Marlboro lights and it's time to take a deeper step in the right direction. As many of you know, the past few months have been rough. To deal with the stress, I have gone to an old habit and now I am stopping. I am also stopping a few other things, they just won't be as permanent. I posted on facebook that I am going to take a hiatus and I thought I would expound a little. I have made some pretty poor choices over the course of my life and I have done damage to myself and those closest to me. I am making changes in my life to get healthier and try to be the person that God has created me to be. As part of those changes, I am going to disconnect myself from some time consuming habits over the next 3 months to help me focus. Among those things are Internet, TV, Movies, Video Games and most podcasts I listen to. I will still be checking email on a regular basis and it's possible that I might be updating the blog, however I am not sure about this. I'd appreciate your prayers as I take this next step.
This morning I was driving to church with Carver and I was listening to another song by Pierce Pettis called "God Believes in You" . It's a great song, I just couldn't find it on Youtube. As I was listening to the song it made me think of the drives that are deep inside me. There is drive to sin and think of no one other than myself and there is drive inside of me that really wants to seek God. The problem in seeking God is that I have to get over myself. I am so caught up in the junk of my life and seeing the people that I have hurt that I feel so unlovable. I don't feel worthy of love from anyone including God. My head tells me that is ridiculous. That is the very reason why God came because we are sinners and in need of His grace. We can't possibly earn his love. I know all this in my head, but I can't transfer it to my heart. There is a great desire that longs to be filled with God's love, but for some reason I just shut it out. I sang out in worship at church and loved it. I yearned for something more and I just like to sing. I looked over and saw a 90 year old couple who were just worshiping. The woman had to adjust her oxygen to sing and the man couldn't stand and sing, but inside of them I could just see a heart full of love from and for Jesus. That is the desire that I am going to feed. It is the life that I want more than anything else.
So it's been a little over a month that I have been away from Children's Ministry at the Rock Church. I miss it incredibly and everytime I walk up to the building I see the children and my heart just sinks. The amazing leaders that have stepped up have told the children that I am stepping away for a while so that I can just be with my family. Sometime soon, I will step back there and tell the kids how much I love them and miss them, I am just not sure how. This morning I was greeted with a typed out note from one of the 9 year olds. She found an antique - it was really just a typewriter and she wrote me this letter. I will retype it in the exact spelling that she wrote it in.
Dear charley, I hop that you will come back to kids town soon It was fun when you were there. It still is bits are just not as fun as they used to be. Your hospitality and crazt energy go us going on our feet .so thanks for your kind loveing teach .hopefuly your familey will have no problems. your a great and wonderful teacher. your like a friend to me. By the way carver is so so soo cute! Your rilly rilly Awesome! Hopfully I'll go to Nitro Air again. Will you have another child so I can watch him/her in the nersary. Or! I could baby sit for you. That would be fun!
Sincerly, ____________
P.S Love ya P.S.S Hi! P.S.S.S thanks again!
I don't think I could receive anything that said Love than this. It warms my heart and gives me hope. I am completely broken right now and have faith that God is going to put me back together the way He wants to. I look forward to seeing what that looks like. In the meantime, its all about making the right choices and not giving up.
For the past 4 and a half years I have served as the Children’s Director at the Rock Church. It has been incredibly fulfilling and is one of my greatest passions in life. One day I would love to make it into my full time career. However, right now I need to focus more on my personal relationship with Christ and becoming a better husband and father. I’ve had some personal struggles that have caused a lot of damage to my family and at this point I am not the right person to lead a ministry. This season of my life is going to be dedicated to healing and restoration. Thank you Rock Church family for all of your love and support. It has been a great joy and honor serving you.
I started thinking today that this decade might end up being the most eventful of my life. I got married, had a kid, went to college, moved around and had the opportunity to see quite a bit of the US and a few other countries. My roots are pretty well established here in Washington now and I don't see myself moving anytime soon. So I have compiled a few highlights of the past 10 years.
2000
College Student at Liberty University in Virginia
Worked at Holiday Inn Select doing Room Service
Moved back Home to TN to work as a Landscaper and Waiter at Applebees
Joined the King’s Players to Travel Around the Country doing Christian Drama in Churches, Schools and Prisons –Visited around 30 States and Tijuana
Started Dating Laura Corns
2001
Sold my guitar to move to California
Worked at Nabisco slinging Oreos onto Store Shelves
Married Laura on December 15th
Moved to Bellflower down the street from the Prisoner Exchange
2002
Took a few Community College Courses with Laura
Started working at Keebler as a Territory Manager
Worked with Youth and Led Worship at Grace Baptist Church
Started Playing Golf
2003
Laura graduated College from Cal State Long Beach
Moved to Lynnwood WA to work with First Baptist Church of Martha Lake as Youth Directors
Started working at All for Kidz as a Booking Rep
Bought our First Condo
Became a Professional Yoyo Man/Motivational Speaker
Bought my first new Car – Saturn Vue
2004
Performed at the White House for the Easter Egg Roll
Performed in England and Canada and all across the US as a Yoyo Man
Visited France for a few hours and the airport in Amsterdam
Got our first Dog – Indy (She Bit People)
Kicked out of First Baptist Church
Started going to the Rock Church and working with Youth
2005
Almost moved to Texas to work with the Yoyo Company – Instead decided to quit and have a better marriage
Started working at the Rock Church as the Children’s Director
Started working at Crown Bolt as a Merchandiser in Home Depot Stores
Indy kept biting people, so we had to put her down and we got Beast the Bichon
2006
Sold the Condo and Bought a House with a Mother in Law Apartment and In-Laws moved in
Started working at Cintas as a Service Sales Representative
Started taking Annual Camping trips with the Barrans and other great friends at Rasar State Park
Started Taking Online Classes from Valley Forge Christian College (Children’s Ministry University)
Laura was in two accidents in less than a month that pretty much totaled all cars involved. She came out relatively unharmed
We got Phoenix – the greatest dog ever
2007
Vacation House in Orcas Island with Great Friends
Laura started working at the Rock Church as well
First Trip to Hawaii
2008
May 30th – Our First Child Carver was Born
Many Trips to the Hospital
Family Reunion Trip to Hawaii
Vacation House in Camano Island
Starting Working at Gold Creek Community Church on Sunday Nights
To be as vague as possible, this past week has been tough. My last post was about feeling dead and I haven't felt so hopeful lately. I am just a sinful rotten person and it is only by God's grace that I am here today. Right now life is muddy and hope seems dim.At the same time, I am surrounded by people who have muddy lives as well. To often, we put on some type of front to those around us when inside we are writhing in pain or hurt. I am really thankful for those in my life who have extended out their ears and hearts to meet me where I am. I haven't opened myself to them all, but I hope and desire to. I don't want to trudge through crap alone. I need some help. I write all this to say - Be that friend to someone today.
A few times a month I get together with friends from our church for our life group. We talk about life and God and how to make it through the day. We normally watch a video with some discussion questions, but we were out a babysitter so we talked about how we have changed since high school.It’s been a little over 10 years for me and life is completely different. I’ve lived in 4 different states, traveled all over the place with work and have been married for almost 8 years and have a 1.5 year old son. In high school I was very passionate and had some pretty strong convictions on a lot of things and I became quite legalistic in my beliefs. My passions were strong just a little misguided sometimes. Imagine that, a misguided teenager. My convictions aren’t quite as strong now and I am not so sure that’s a good thing. I still have many of the same struggles, but inside I feel dead. I see where I am and who I want to be and feel lost. I’m frustrated and I am hurting those I am closest to. Something needs to change and I want to revive the passion that I had before. I want it guided in the right direction.
Many of you know that I have two jobs. One pays the bills and one is my passion. I am so fortunate to have both of these and have a few days a week to just be daddy. Most of the time I work hard and it always feels great to see the results of hard work. But there is something deep inside most of us that wants something more than just to see the results for yourself. We want to feel valued. We want to feel appreciated. I want to feel valued. I want to be appreciated. Part of me wants to say it's a weakness, but at the same time I recognize that this is the way God has wired me. In my life and careers I see both sides of the spectrum of value. The Rock Church is my family. I have never felt unappreciated there. I am encouraged to dream big, reach higher and grow more. It's hard work and takes alot out of me on Sundays, but at the same time when you are doing what you love and what you are passionate about it empowers you. Today I finished up a 13 hour day and walked away irritated because of where I stand. Over the past 3 years I have had a pretty good amount of success in a sales job in a difficult economy. I have had some opportunities for advancement and I have turned them down because it would pull me away from family and ministry too much. I caught some flack today and it just left me frustrated and feeling undervalued for what I have accomplished. All this to say, I am wired to thrive when someone has my back. I thrive when I am encouraged. I'm not the only one. So instead of wallowing in my frustrations, I am going to make a conscious effort to show others that I value them.
Many times in ministry days can just be a blur. You have guest speakers, not enough volunteers, new projects, broken pagers, wild kids...etc. As we were wrapping things up this morning I was monitoring the bounce house and one of my first graders was putting his shoes on had something to tell me about his soccer game yesterday. He always sounds excited about things and I could not quite understand what he said so I said "great" or "awesome". Well his mom happened to be standing there and asked me if I heard what he said. I responded sheepishly "something about soccer, but I couldn't tell for sure what it was". She told me he said "Yesterday a soccer ball hit me in the face". Wow! Did I feel like a jerk. It stinks when you get so caught up in the noise that you miss what's really important - the relationships. I hope the families at the Rock Church know that I love their children and really don't think it's cool for them to get hit in the head by soccerballs. My favorite part of working with children is the relationships. I love it when kids are so excited to tell me about their week or something important that happenned. Next week, I'm not going to miss out on that.
A little over 4 years ago my old Pastor asked me to come and lead the Elementary Ministries at the Rock Church. I have been faithfully serving there since on a part time basis. I absolutely love my church. The people there are awesome and truly care about each other. I had a few things this summer going on and needed some time off. I asked my Pastor Scott Fenton for the time and he asked me to take off a few more weeks for a Sabbatical of Sorts. One day, I would love to take a few weeks off and go to Yosemite or something and just connect with God. However, I still have a family and a job to take care of, so I had a few Sundays off. It was nice I was able to visit a few other churches and just relax on Sundays without having to plan any lessons or tear down any bounce houses or load any trucks or trailers. I have to admit - I really enjoyed the time off and it went by very quickly. However, I was very excited to go back to my church. I was brought before the church on Sunday and was shown alot of appreciation. It is great to feel loved. I had kids hugging me and parents thanking me and friends welcoming me. It was great to be back at the Rock. I have had a few job offers in the past year that I have turned down because God wants me right where I am. There are some great things going on at the Rock and our community. We have a huge Block Party coming up on Sept 13 and the following weeks some special guests in the Children's area. I thank God for the opportunity to serve where I am at and I thank the people for believing in me and supporting me.
Last night Laura and I had the privilege of visiting one of my favorite eating establishments with my sister and brother in law Amber and Aaron. I don't get to visit the Waffle House to often because they won't let them build them anywhere near the west coast. So anytime I come back to Tennessee I have to make at least one trip back to the WaHo. Here is a little best of list from our trip last night in no particular order..
1. No smoking inside anymore. This means no ash in your food. 2. The restaurant is empty and the parking lot is full. 3. It now smells like a bathroom. 4. Special Lady at the Waffle House is always on the jukebox and I will always play it. I skipped out on the Waffle House Do Wop. 5. When it's slow the Waitress will stand and talk to you the whole time. 6. She will tell you about how she has a customer who recently got Salmonella poisoning from eating their undercooked eggs and had to take medicine for a year. This makes you not hungry very quickly. 7. There's a picture of promo picture of their chili and it looks like the guy is holding a cigarette over the bowl. 8. They are always open. 9. 12 hours later I still have a gut bomb 10. When I got back to the house I found a Waffle House Camoflauge shirt on my bed. (Team RealTree)
So yesterday I received my first black eye. Now I would love to say "you should see the other guy" or "I charged the mound" or "I took a line drive to the face", but it's simply not that cool It was the kickoff of my Tuesday night Softball Team. We took first place in our league last summer and are looking to take it again. I arrived at the park in plenty of time to warm up. I started throwing the ball around with one of our new players who happens to be a police officer. He's got a pretty decent arm and I was working off of about 3 or 4 hours of sleep. He threw it to me and I put my glove up, but not fast enough. The ball nipped the top of my glove and then hit my cheek bone pretty hard. I walked about ten or fifteen feet and then quit throwing. I went onto play and did pretty well, however I pulled myself out of the outfield the second game due to some depth perception issues. As you can see, a good shiner has a growing process. I woke up with my eye swollen shut. With the advice of my sister who is nurse and Carver's Pediatrician I had some X-rays to make sure all is well. It's just going to make me really pretty for a few weeks.
I married the most amazing woman in the world. Today, I was able to spend the whole day with her celebrating. Well except for the 3 and half hours she was getting her hair done. I have known her for almost 10 years now and she has made me me a much better man. Happy Birthday Laura - I love you!
So this afternoon I went to Ballinger Lake Golf Course for a Staff Meeting with my pastor. We don't meet to often, so we had to make the most out of it. There comes a point in golf where you just have to pick up your ball and right a very large number on the score card. I made that happen on the first 3 holes and then I came across this beast on the course. It was 85 degrees outside, so he was just chilling under the bench at hole 4. My ball landed about 10 feet away from him, so he decided to attack or at least lay right beside the ball. So I poked him a few times with my pitching wedge and he just thought I was playing. I picked him up and moved him a few feet, so he darted back on top of my ball. This sequence continued for about 6 or 7 times before I finally was able to run back and chip the ball away. I finally got away and watched my hacker pastor shoot a birdie. We had a great time and I look forward to more golf this summer. I just have to quit swinging my clubs like a baseball bat.
So I call this Blog the Adventures of Bucksnort and his Boy, yet I failed to complete a post I started on the Boy's first birthday. It was a busy weekend, so now 2 and a half weeks later I'll let you know what a special day it was. A little over a year ago, we were excited and frightened about this little boy who had been growing inside Laura's belly. After a few premature trips to the hospital due to some high blood pressure, the doctor scheduled the C-section about a week early. I could not sleep the night before, I was so excited. We had to get up about 4am to get to the hospital around 5:30. Molly brought me a quad shot white mocha to keep me awake and I chased that with a 5 hour energy drink. I didn't want to miss out on a single thing that happened that morning. I was a little jittery, but enjoyed every moment of that day. They pulled Carver out of Laura and started to clean him up. I watched from a distance with tears in my eyes and then the nurse invited me over. I was a bit fearful to hold the little 6lb boy. I held him tightly and did not want to let him go. I still feel this way. I love to get him in the morning when he wakes up and is so glad to see me. I love to see him smile, walk, fall, laugh and make faces at me. My heart melts at this adorable little boy. He is now a year old. His baby days are fleeting and he is becoming a little boy. He has a great personality and is stubborn as a bull. He had around 20 people come and celebrate his first birthday. He got cake absolutely everywhere and loved all the attention. I look forward to many many more years of watching him grow into a young man.
So my 10 year reunion is coming up and all those high school memories keep coming to mind. We had a swimming pool at my house and during the summer time we always had parties. If it was near your birthday and everyone was going to the Lowery's chances are it was a surprise party for you. It was pretty fun. Of course, now I live in Washington and my parents have moved to Hawaii and the house is sold. All those memories of the old pool can't be relived unless the new owners are on vacation in late August. One of the memories that I have involves the diving board. We had the old Monkey dance, butt bounce, WWF moves, and of course splash contests. Everyone wanted to see how much water you could get to land on someone nice and dry or how high you could get the water to shoot in the air. I follow a blog called Coolest Toys and it had this splash meter. I probably wouldn't have bought it, but it looks pretty cool. Toys are so much cooler these days but we had more fun building our own stuff.
Last year at this time we were preparing for one of the biggest events of our lives. I was super excited and Laura was super frightened. We had no idea of what was to come in just a few weeks. Laura was celebrating her first Mother's Day as she had been nurturing Carver in the womb for 8 months. She was terrified about the kind of Mother she would be. I kept telling her she would make a great mom and to just relax. She would fall in love with the strange thing in her belly that kept kicking her. A few weeks later she met met the cutest kid in the world - okay he was much cuter after he lost a few wrinkles was cleaned and put on a few pounds. Carver met the woman who had brought him so much comfort as he was growing into a 6lb little boy. She has continued to bring him comfort and lots and lots of love. She learned how to change a diaper and she instantly fell in love with a complete stranger. Laura is a great mother and terrific wife. We are blessed to have her in our lives. Her love for me encourages me to be the man God has created me to be. Her love for Carver teaches him to love others and grow into a great man/little boy. Happy Mother's Day Laura - You are the Best!
So my last post was pretty raw in the way that I was feeling and my emotions have been a bit of a rollercoaster. People should be real with each other about how they are feeling. The problem is we don't know how to respond when someone is real - especially in the church bubble. I grew up thinking that we always had to be great - especially on Sundays. Now that I am in sales at work it's kind of like this as well. Customers don't want for me to tell them that I lost a job recently and really don't want to be doing this at the moment. It just makes things a little awkward. So we struggle to find who we can be honest with and when we can be honest. We have to find a filter. Kind of ironic - I use a filter at home to get the pure water and I filter my feelings and language to keep the pure out. All this to say, I am not sure what is next on the horizon for me. I can see what is here and now and I have to trust God for the future. For now I am going to focus on being who God wants me to be today - An unashamed follower of Christ, a loving and responsible husband and father and passionate Children's Director at the Rock. This is where and Who God wants me to be.
Can I be honest for a minute or ten? This afternoon I went to a meeting with my hopes high of a dream job – full time Children’s ministry. I have been working with another church for about 6 months and had been talking about a full time position. I was really excited because I would be able to continue to serve at the Rock on Sunday mornings and there during the week as well as on Sunday nights. I love the church, but I truly believe that God wants my family together at the Rock. Turns out that the other church wanted and found someone a little more committed to them. I completely understand their choice and decision and it makes sense. We were talking about something that was way outside the conventional ministry box and it really wasn’t the right fit. Nothing was ever set in stone, but I had my heart set on it and now it is crushed. I don’t understand what God is doing. It is my heart’s desire to be in full time ministry. I felt God’s calling when I was 17 and have struggled to find it since. I have been in and out of full time ministry outside the normal church settings and I have been part time at the Rock for almost 4 years now. I love the Rock Church and it is great for my family. I am just not sure that I will ever be able to serve full time there. There needs to be a lot more growth for to happen and I don’t know what God’s plans are. As it is I have too much on my plate and there is so much more that I want to do but can’t. I work my butt off trying to provide for my family and to do a good job. I have passed on opportunities to advance in my professional career outside the church and with other churches in hopes of going into full time ministry. I just don’t get it. What is God doing? What are his plans? I don’t want to be working two or three jobs to make ends meet and support doing ministry. God knows my desire – heck he put it there. What’s going on? Is he just trying to teach me to be patient and content? This seems to be a journey and I am just kind of running in place.
It is amazing what a little sun will do for you. Yesterday, Carver and I went for a a few rounds around Green Lake in the sun. It was a beautiful 70 degrees and we had a great time. Carver had a huge smile that made everyone else smile. We talked back and forth with each other the whole way around the lake. Well it was more like yelling and grunting - you know guy talk. It's back to gray skies here, but I know Summer is coming and I can't wait.
So I just finished my last pack of Marlboro lights and it's time to take a deeper step in the right direction. As many of you know, the past few months have been rough. To deal with the stress, I have gone to an old habit and now I am stopping. I am also stopping a few other things, they just won't be as permanent. I posted on facebook that I am going to take a hiatus and I thought I would expound a little. I have made some pretty poor choices over the course of my life and I have done damage to myself and those closest to me. I am making changes in my life to get healthier and try to be the person that God has created me to be. As part of those changes, I am going to disconnect myself from some time consuming habits over the next 3 months to help me focus. Among those things are Internet, TV, Movies, Video Games and most podcasts I listen to. I will still be checking email on a regular basis and it's possible that I might be updating the blog, however I am not sure about this. I'd appreciate your prayers as I take this next step.
