I stink at this...

So my last post was pretty raw in the way that I was feeling and my emotions have been a bit of a rollercoaster. People should be real with each other about how they are feeling. The problem is we don't know how to respond when someone is real - especially in the church bubble. I grew up thinking that we always had to be great - especially on Sundays. Now that I am in sales at work it's kind of like this as well. Customers don't want for me to tell them that I lost a job recently and really don't want to be doing this at the moment. It just makes things a little awkward. So we struggle to find who we can be honest with and when we can be honest. We have to find a filter. Kind of ironic - I use a filter at home to get the pure water and I filter my feelings and language to keep the pure out.
All this to say, I am not sure what is next on the horizon for me. I can see what is here and now and I have to trust God for the future. For now I am going to focus on being who God wants me to be today - An unashamed follower of Christ, a loving and responsible husband and father and passionate Children's Director at the Rock. This is where and Who God wants me to be.

Bummer...

Can I be honest for a minute or ten? This afternoon I went to a meeting with my hopes high of a dream job – full time Children’s ministry. I have been working with another church for about 6 months and had been talking about a full time position. I was really excited because I would be able to continue to serve at the Rock on Sunday mornings and there during the week as well as on Sunday nights. I love the church, but I truly believe that God wants my family together at the Rock. Turns out that the other church wanted and found someone a little more committed to them. I completely understand their choice and decision and it makes sense. We were talking about something that was way outside the conventional ministry box and it really wasn’t the right fit. Nothing was ever set in stone, but I had my heart set on it and now it is crushed. I don’t understand what God is doing. It is my heart’s desire to be in full time ministry. I felt God’s calling when I was 17 and have struggled to find it since. I have been in and out of full time ministry outside the normal church settings and I have been part time at the Rock for almost 4 years now. I love the Rock Church and it is great for my family. I am just not sure that I will ever be able to serve full time there. There needs to be a lot more growth for to happen and I don’t know what God’s plans are. As it is I have too much on my plate and there is so much more that I want to do but can’t. I work my butt off trying to provide for my family and to do a good job. I have passed on opportunities to advance in my professional career outside the church and with other churches in hopes of going into full time ministry. I just don’t get it. What is God doing? What are his plans? I don’t want to be working two or three jobs to make ends meet and support doing ministry. God knows my desire – heck he put it there. What’s going on? Is he just trying to teach me to be patient and content? This seems to be a journey and I am just kind of running in place.

A Day in the Sun

It is amazing what a little sun will do for you. Yesterday, Carver and I went for a a few rounds around Green Lake in the sun. It was a beautiful 70 degrees and we had a great time. Carver had a huge smile that made everyone else smile. We talked back and forth with each other the whole way around the lake. Well it was more like yelling and grunting - you know guy talk. It's back to gray skies here, but I know Summer is coming and I can't wait.

Mariners Predictions

Baseball is officially on and I am excited. I enjoy watching football and going to a hockey game or even a soccer game. I don't care about Basketball at all - so I am excited to not hear about brackets and Final Four or Elite Eight or Sweet Sixteen for quite a while after tonight. It is all about Baseball now. The Mariner's did a little bit of house cleaning over the off season when it comes to management. Finally - Bill Bavasi is gone, but unfortunately the effects of his poor decisions will live on for a few more years. But that's life - we must live with the mistakes of others and most importantly our own. We just have to choose to learn from them and hopefully not make them again.
This would be considered one of the rebuilding years for the Mariners. No one expects them to be in contention for anything other than not being the worst team in baseball. They were 3rd on the list last season. However, I think anything is possible. Two years ago, the Rays had the worst record in the American League - Last year they won the World Series. I don't think the Mariners will make that kind of change, but I think they will stay competitive and will be fun to watch. After all - Griffey is back. So I thought I would throw out a few predictions of my own, this way I can see how wrong I am at the end of the season.

Ichiro - .300 Batting Average and 200 hits - this one is a little predictable

Griffey - .260 BA and 27 Home Runs and will play as a Mariner in 2010

Beltre - .280 BA and 35 Home Runs and will be traded in July to a contender - this will stink

Lopez - .285 BA and 22 Home Runs

Bentancourt - He's going to choke this year and will either get traded or released or sent to the Minors. Maybe we will get a Shortstop for Beltre

Johjima - .220 BA and 15 Home Runs

King Felix - 18 Wins and 8 Losses

Washburn - 10 Wins and 4 Losses and Traded Away in June - hopefully

Mariners Season 79 Wins and 83 Losses - 3rd Place in the American League West

Any Predictions for you?

TV Hiatus...well kind of

Alright, so life has been a little challenging lately. I have alot of my plate and I get overwhelmed sometimes. I am a world class procrastinator. I have been great at it since high school. I don't think I finished more than two books in all my high school English classes. However, I skimmed the best of the cliff notes. All this to say, I need to clear my head some and get back to some basics. This is the season of lent and I don't want to claim that I'm giving up this for God, because I am doing this more for myself. I need to clear my head a little more so that I can focus on God and what He's doing right now. I feel like I am missing out on some good stuff. So here is what I am going to do. No more watching TV by myself. I tend to come home after work and just want to veg in front of the tube. I also do this on my days off. So for the next few weeks I'll go outside a little more, play some more guitar and maybe just maybe even try to read a book. I just picked up Messy Spirituality. I'm not giving it up completely as I enjoy watching a few shows with Laura. But I am going to cut back seriously for a while and hopefully it will stick.

The Consequences of Truth

In the past week I have come upon a few situations where I have been really tempted to lie. Earlier this week someone made the statement question: "You don't have any weapons in your house right?" and today on my life insurance medical evaluation I was asked "When was the last time you had tobacco products?"
To address the first question, I do have a broken 22 caliber rifle packed away in my garage. The rifle is no where near the bullets which are hidden in a complete different room. I don't see this weapon as a threat anymore than one of the knives in my kitchen. And now to the second question, I do enjoy a cigar or clove every once in a while. Due to me answering these questions honestly, a child will probably not attend a Kid's conference this weekend and I will have to pay a higher rate for my term life insurance. Sometimes the truth just seems a bit inconvenient.

9 months and kicking and biting and falling

So Carver now is crawling like there is no tomorrow. I take that back tomorrow he wants to walk. He pulls himself up to his feet using whatever he can: legs, couches, dogs, diaper bags. Once he gets up, he isn't quite sure what to do with himself so he gets excited and falls. His bottom two teeth are in and his top ones just cut through in the last day or two. That means he doesn't sleep through the night very well. The Doctor said go ahead and pump him full of ibuprofen so he's comfortable. I'm not going to argue with that. So today we had his 9 month checkup and here are the results.

Height: 31.25 - 100%
Weight: 21lbs 14.3 oz - 70%
Head: 47.25 cm - 95%

I think Carver is going to be a pretty big kid. Maybe a Ninja.