Bummer...

Can I be honest for a minute or ten? This afternoon I went to a meeting with my hopes high of a dream job – full time Children’s ministry. I have been working with another church for about 6 months and had been talking about a full time position. I was really excited because I would be able to continue to serve at the Rock on Sunday mornings and there during the week as well as on Sunday nights. I love the church, but I truly believe that God wants my family together at the Rock. Turns out that the other church wanted and found someone a little more committed to them. I completely understand their choice and decision and it makes sense. We were talking about something that was way outside the conventional ministry box and it really wasn’t the right fit. Nothing was ever set in stone, but I had my heart set on it and now it is crushed. I don’t understand what God is doing. It is my heart’s desire to be in full time ministry. I felt God’s calling when I was 17 and have struggled to find it since. I have been in and out of full time ministry outside the normal church settings and I have been part time at the Rock for almost 4 years now. I love the Rock Church and it is great for my family. I am just not sure that I will ever be able to serve full time there. There needs to be a lot more growth for to happen and I don’t know what God’s plans are. As it is I have too much on my plate and there is so much more that I want to do but can’t. I work my butt off trying to provide for my family and to do a good job. I have passed on opportunities to advance in my professional career outside the church and with other churches in hopes of going into full time ministry. I just don’t get it. What is God doing? What are his plans? I don’t want to be working two or three jobs to make ends meet and support doing ministry. God knows my desire – heck he put it there. What’s going on? Is he just trying to teach me to be patient and content? This seems to be a journey and I am just kind of running in place.