So I just finished my last pack of Marlboro lights and it's time to take a deeper step in the right direction. As many of you know, the past few months have been rough. To deal with the stress, I have gone to an old habit and now I am stopping. I am also stopping a few other things, they just won't be as permanent. I posted on facebook that I am going to take a hiatus and I thought I would expound a little. I have made some pretty poor choices over the course of my life and I have done damage to myself and those closest to me. I am making changes in my life to get healthier and try to be the person that God has created me to be. As part of those changes, I am going to disconnect myself from some time consuming habits over the next 3 months to help me focus. Among those things are Internet, TV, Movies, Video Games and most podcasts I listen to. I will still be checking email on a regular basis and it's possible that I might be updating the blog, however I am not sure about this. I'd appreciate your prayers as I take this next step.
This morning I was driving to church with Carver and I was listening to another song by Pierce Pettis called "God Believes in You" . It's a great song, I just couldn't find it on Youtube. As I was listening to the song it made me think of the drives that are deep inside me. There is drive to sin and think of no one other than myself and there is drive inside of me that really wants to seek God. The problem in seeking God is that I have to get over myself. I am so caught up in the junk of my life and seeing the people that I have hurt that I feel so unlovable. I don't feel worthy of love from anyone including God. My head tells me that is ridiculous. That is the very reason why God came because we are sinners and in need of His grace. We can't possibly earn his love. I know all this in my head, but I can't transfer it to my heart. There is a great desire that longs to be filled with God's love, but for some reason I just shut it out. I sang out in worship at church and loved it. I yearned for something more and I just like to sing. I looked over and saw a 90 year old couple who were just worshiping. The woman had to adjust her oxygen to sing and the man couldn't stand and sing, but inside of them I could just see a heart full of love from and for Jesus. That is the desire that I am going to feed. It is the life that I want more than anything else.
So it's been a little over a month that I have been away from Children's Ministry at the Rock Church. I miss it incredibly and everytime I walk up to the building I see the children and my heart just sinks. The amazing leaders that have stepped up have told the children that I am stepping away for a while so that I can just be with my family. Sometime soon, I will step back there and tell the kids how much I love them and miss them, I am just not sure how. This morning I was greeted with a typed out note from one of the 9 year olds. She found an antique - it was really just a typewriter and she wrote me this letter. I will retype it in the exact spelling that she wrote it in.
Dear charley, I hop that you will come back to kids town soon It was fun when you were there. It still is bits are just not as fun as they used to be. Your hospitality and crazt energy go us going on our feet .so thanks for your kind loveing teach .hopefuly your familey will have no problems. your a great and wonderful teacher. your like a friend to me. By the way carver is so so soo cute! Your rilly rilly Awesome! Hopfully I'll go to Nitro Air again. Will you have another child so I can watch him/her in the nersary. Or! I could baby sit for you. That would be fun!
Sincerly, ____________
P.S Love ya P.S.S Hi! P.S.S.S thanks again!
I don't think I could receive anything that said Love than this. It warms my heart and gives me hope. I am completely broken right now and have faith that God is going to put me back together the way He wants to. I look forward to seeing what that looks like. In the meantime, its all about making the right choices and not giving up.
For the past 4 and a half years I have served as the Children’s Director at the Rock Church. It has been incredibly fulfilling and is one of my greatest passions in life. One day I would love to make it into my full time career. However, right now I need to focus more on my personal relationship with Christ and becoming a better husband and father. I’ve had some personal struggles that have caused a lot of damage to my family and at this point I am not the right person to lead a ministry. This season of my life is going to be dedicated to healing and restoration. Thank you Rock Church family for all of your love and support. It has been a great joy and honor serving you.
I started thinking today that this decade might end up being the most eventful of my life. I got married, had a kid, went to college, moved around and had the opportunity to see quite a bit of the US and a few other countries. My roots are pretty well established here in Washington now and I don't see myself moving anytime soon. So I have compiled a few highlights of the past 10 years.
2000
College Student at Liberty University in Virginia
Worked at Holiday Inn Select doing Room Service
Moved back Home to TN to work as a Landscaper and Waiter at Applebees
Joined the King’s Players to Travel Around the Country doing Christian Drama in Churches, Schools and Prisons –Visited around 30 States and Tijuana
Started Dating Laura Corns
2001
Sold my guitar to move to California
Worked at Nabisco slinging Oreos onto Store Shelves
Married Laura on December 15th
Moved to Bellflower down the street from the Prisoner Exchange
2002
Took a few Community College Courses with Laura
Started working at Keebler as a Territory Manager
Worked with Youth and Led Worship at Grace Baptist Church
Started Playing Golf
2003
Laura graduated College from Cal State Long Beach
Moved to Lynnwood WA to work with First Baptist Church of Martha Lake as Youth Directors
Started working at All for Kidz as a Booking Rep
Bought our First Condo
Became a Professional Yoyo Man/Motivational Speaker
Bought my first new Car – Saturn Vue
2004
Performed at the White House for the Easter Egg Roll
Performed in England and Canada and all across the US as a Yoyo Man
Visited France for a few hours and the airport in Amsterdam
Got our first Dog – Indy (She Bit People)
Kicked out of First Baptist Church
Started going to the Rock Church and working with Youth
2005
Almost moved to Texas to work with the Yoyo Company – Instead decided to quit and have a better marriage
Started working at the Rock Church as the Children’s Director
Started working at Crown Bolt as a Merchandiser in Home Depot Stores
Indy kept biting people, so we had to put her down and we got Beast the Bichon
2006
Sold the Condo and Bought a House with a Mother in Law Apartment and In-Laws moved in
Started working at Cintas as a Service Sales Representative
Started taking Annual Camping trips with the Barrans and other great friends at Rasar State Park
Started Taking Online Classes from Valley Forge Christian College (Children’s Ministry University)
Laura was in two accidents in less than a month that pretty much totaled all cars involved. She came out relatively unharmed
We got Phoenix – the greatest dog ever
2007
Vacation House in Orcas Island with Great Friends
Laura started working at the Rock Church as well
First Trip to Hawaii
2008
May 30th – Our First Child Carver was Born
Many Trips to the Hospital
Family Reunion Trip to Hawaii
Vacation House in Camano Island
Starting Working at Gold Creek Community Church on Sunday Nights
To be as vague as possible, this past week has been tough. My last post was about feeling dead and I haven't felt so hopeful lately. I am just a sinful rotten person and it is only by God's grace that I am here today. Right now life is muddy and hope seems dim.At the same time, I am surrounded by people who have muddy lives as well. To often, we put on some type of front to those around us when inside we are writhing in pain or hurt. I am really thankful for those in my life who have extended out their ears and hearts to meet me where I am. I haven't opened myself to them all, but I hope and desire to. I don't want to trudge through crap alone. I need some help. I write all this to say - Be that friend to someone today.
A few times a month I get together with friends from our church for our life group. We talk about life and God and how to make it through the day. We normally watch a video with some discussion questions, but we were out a babysitter so we talked about how we have changed since high school.It’s been a little over 10 years for me and life is completely different. I’ve lived in 4 different states, traveled all over the place with work and have been married for almost 8 years and have a 1.5 year old son. In high school I was very passionate and had some pretty strong convictions on a lot of things and I became quite legalistic in my beliefs. My passions were strong just a little misguided sometimes. Imagine that, a misguided teenager. My convictions aren’t quite as strong now and I am not so sure that’s a good thing. I still have many of the same struggles, but inside I feel dead. I see where I am and who I want to be and feel lost. I’m frustrated and I am hurting those I am closest to. Something needs to change and I want to revive the passion that I had before. I want it guided in the right direction.
So I just finished my last pack of Marlboro lights and it's time to take a deeper step in the right direction. As many of you know, the past few months have been rough. To deal with the stress, I have gone to an old habit and now I am stopping. I am also stopping a few other things, they just won't be as permanent. I posted on facebook that I am going to take a hiatus and I thought I would expound a little. I have made some pretty poor choices over the course of my life and I have done damage to myself and those closest to me. I am making changes in my life to get healthier and try to be the person that God has created me to be. As part of those changes, I am going to disconnect myself from some time consuming habits over the next 3 months to help me focus. Among those things are Internet, TV, Movies, Video Games and most podcasts I listen to. I will still be checking email on a regular basis and it's possible that I might be updating the blog, however I am not sure about this. I'd appreciate your prayers as I take this next step.
