A drive inside

This morning I was driving to church with Carver and I was listening to another song by Pierce Pettis called "God Believes in You" . It's a great song, I just couldn't find it on Youtube. As I was listening to the song it made me think of the drives that are deep inside me. There is drive to sin and think of no one other than myself and there is drive inside of me that really wants to seek God. The problem in seeking God is that I have to get over myself. I am so caught up in the junk of my life and seeing the people that I have hurt that I feel so unlovable. I don't feel worthy of love from anyone including God. My head tells me that is ridiculous. That is the very reason why God came because we are sinners and in need of His grace. We can't possibly earn his love. I know all this in my head, but I can't transfer it to my heart. There is a great desire that longs to be filled with God's love, but for some reason I just shut it out. I sang out in worship at church and loved it. I yearned for something more and I just like to sing. I looked over and saw a 90 year old couple who were just worshiping. The woman had to adjust her oxygen to sing and the man couldn't stand and sing, but inside of them I could just see a heart full of love from and for Jesus. That is the desire that I am going to feed. It is the life that I want more than anything else.

Encouragement

So it's been a little over a month that I have been away from Children's Ministry at the Rock Church. I miss it incredibly and everytime I walk up to the building I see the children and my heart just sinks. The amazing leaders that have stepped up have told the children that I am stepping away for a while so that I can just be with my family. Sometime soon, I will step back there and tell the kids how much I love them and miss them, I am just not sure how. This morning I was greeted with a typed out note from one of the 9 year olds. She found an antique - it was really just a typewriter and she wrote me this letter. I will retype it in the exact spelling that she wrote it in.

Dear charley,
I hop that you will come back to kids town soon
It was fun when you were there. It still is bits are just not as fun as they used to be. Your hospitality and crazt energy go us going on our feet .so thanks for your kind loveing teach .hopefuly your familey will have no problems. your a great and wonderful teacher. your like a friend to me. By the way carver is so so soo cute! Your rilly rilly Awesome! Hopfully I'll go to Nitro Air again. Will you have another child so I can watch him/her in the nersary. Or! I could baby sit for you. That would be fun!

Sincerly,
____________

P.S Love ya
P.S.S Hi!
P.S.S.S thanks again!


I don't think I could receive anything that said Love than this. It warms my heart and gives me hope. I am completely broken right now and have faith that God is going to put me back together the way He wants to. I look forward to seeing what that looks like. In the meantime, its all about making the right choices and not giving up.